Current mood:

nerdy

Yay, I'm not alone
We seem to live in a muddle that we think matters to a self that doesn’t exist. I wanted to find out why. ^{http://www.memes.org.uk/meme-lab/DART96.HTM}

I'll try to explain what the fuck has been happening to me.

I've awoken from the first-order meme dream (I awoke from the null-order meme dream a while ago), with the help of the higher-order Buddhist meme complex, and I'm now conscious of n-order meme warfare. Just knowing that there are more levels of meme warfare than I can ever become aware of ... has kicked me loose from nearly every belief I've ever had. This has been a tremendous loss, and a tremendous excitement, and I've felt paranoid as well, mostly because I'd previously been infected by the paranoia of Heinlein's capstone novels. I think I'll get over the paranoia ... not that it matters.

I can never see the world the same way again.

I think this might be one form of what some Buddhists call nirvana or enlightenment. There are probably several stages of apparent enlightenment. Whatever label you might want to use, I'm there. And I'm not finished adjusting to it. Perhaps I never will be. I'm still scared about what this means, and why it has happened to me, and what it will do to my so-called life.