Current mood:

content

8/16/98: Rebound
Now that you are alone ...

There seem to be several ways we deal with the aftermath of a broken heart.

Filling the Void -- Many times, at first, we rush out into the world, looking intently for a new relationship to fill the empty spaces left behind. We peruse the personal ads, strategize with friends, hone our pickup skills, and harbor an intense hope that each person we date will become our next husband. We feel lonely, hurt, abandoned, and long for nothing more than a replacement for the man we used to have. We scare people when we are like this ... we are worse than sexual predators ... we are trying to consume the very souls of our prey ...

The Release of Meaningless Sex -- A somewhat more detached response is to decide that we are not interested in "relationships" right now (after all, men are "assholes"). We still get horny, still find other guys attractive, and we'll have sex with other willing partners. That is as far as we'll let things go. We aren't ready for a relationship. Relationships are too much work. We don't want to hurt anybody, and don't want anybody to hurt us.

Trying to Win Him Back -- Occasionally this works, but it seems to be a weaker response than the others. Rather than accepting our loss, we obsess about fixing things back up. We pledge to be different this time. We've learned from our mistakes! We promise to never do those bad things again. We've learned our lesson, passed through that phase, discovered that the grass isn't greener. Unfortunately, patterns have a way of reasserting themselves when times get tough, and apologies are no substitute for actual behavior.

Hermits are Happier -- Finally, we make the best of our situation. We believe that we can actually be happy on our own, without searching for sex, without going on dates, and without dwelling on the past. We take a class, join a club, hang out with friends, watch TV, read, hike, go to the beach, masturbate often, and entertain ourselves with gossip about our friends, enemies, and ex-lovers.

Or we do all of these things, more or less simultaneously, as the weeks stretch into months, Christmas comes and goes, and we never really know when, if, or how mutual love will strike again ...